nearly 1am - am waiting for the snowager then i'm going to bed. i'm sick of dealing with people.. i watched the x files and have just been hugging bedtime bear for like the last 2 hours .. sick of this.
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: Heartache - Bonnie Tyler
talking to: misc on chat - well they were talking to me till more important people came on -_-
net: NC
mood: shocking

well today was .. interesting .. woke up right on 10 - after going to bed after 2 - got up.. got online for like 30 minutes - Kylie pissed me off in the neomail she left, then dad started hassling me.. had a shower *finally* washed my hair lol - more net.. more annoyances.. went out with mom to northie - went to Kmart - bought 12 Monkeys dvd - had lunch there -went to Toys R Us & found Pascal this cute bday present - we then went over to Savers in Greensborough - was on a Care Bear hunt but didnt get any - did however pick up a pair of sneakers - Hang 10 - like new - and I LOVE the brand but they're like not being made anymore - also saw some Mickey sneakers like my old ones but they were too small :( went back to nans with mom.. just hung around there getting agitated as there was nothing to do *so i daydreamed* and then we came home a bit after 5.. have been on chat/ watching the Meaning of Life tonight - john pissed me off as soon as I got in - hell I know everyone loves goldi but can I get a HELLO every now and then????? I'm slowly starting to feel very underappreciated . I mean.. kylies neomail made me feel like an inconvience/second thought, john would appear to not give a damn if i'm around or not *neomarry goldi then :[* havent chatted to sean in a while - jeff keeps catching me when i'm in a mood - and I wanna talk to you Sandy but I was out of it today *hugs* - the only person online that I think I have any stable relationship with is Hunter and she hasnt been on .. well.. you know.. i keep sending her these long emails -am waiting for her to kill me- but .. yeah.. i dont know.. i love her.. i hate not knowing where i stand with people... i'm considering re-doing my n/f list, but i'd get so much mail 'why did you delete me' 'dont you like me anymore' etc - that i dont think its wotrh it.. i'm so tired - i'm wearing myself down which isnt good at all... tomorrow is gonna be devoted to philsophy - and hunter if she's around - mitch is doing the same - minus the hunter part lol - we're both going to be going over the readings as well as researching online.. i dont feel well.. i know i'm depressed again... i'd just about kill for a smoke but the urge isnt strong enough to make me go against hunter.. besides i dont want to disappoint liz either..
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: X Files - am gonna go watch
talking to: my mitch-y on/off
net: going back to neo
mood: love me or loathe me MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND
I cant take other peoples insecurities at the moment.. mine are hard enough to keep under control.. i get overly jealous then i feel guilty.. or someone disregards me and i feel useless .. i need to be needed and i want to be accepted.. and i want john to make up his mind and stop playing with me.. i'm trying not to torment goldi at night .. it isnt her job to make me go to bed..shes my friend.. and i know *understatment* she doesnt like yelling me down & arguing.. i just want Cindy.. everything just melts away when I talk to her... *no one* else manages to make me feel like that .. i hope she knows how very special she is.. anyway.. x files .. am sleepy.. not sure if i wanna stay up & try to catch her on.. see how i feel ..

to put it simply I'm annoyed. kylie had neomailed me while I was off and yeah.. she pissed me off.
I'm possibly going out shopping with mom.. I dont know.. I want to kill everyone.
PEOPLE PISS ME OFF SO YOU CAN ALL GO TO HELL
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: nada
talking to: no1
net: NC but leaving
mood: more than annoyed

I can't believe it's after 1... I thought it was 12 .. lol .. i've been on chat for like the last hour posting bad jokes .. shouldnt realized it was late when Mitch went offline -_-'
sooo my day...
woke up with great difficulty around 8 .. got up and went to school .. blah .. went to the library - MICHELE!!!!! yay! lol I've missed her!
made a blutak cat lol .. Tom came in p.2 - didnt know where his class was - half of them came into the library - Karen told em to go see their coordinator but none of em did.. cept Tom - as I explained, if he goes and tries to find out he'll be the only one NOT to get into trouble :P anyway - I went with him & we found KD - she started talkin to me askin how things were going etc .. I said I had one more exam left & had a prob cause my laptop is wrecked - at which point she offered hers *i love her i love her i love her* anyhow - she said Tom could stay in the library, so we went back.. then went to the canteen .. lol .. that brought us up to recess when we went online for like 5 minutes to get Tom to vote for Trinkii etc *yay still in second* I wanna get 500 votes for her .. then i'll be happy.. went online during 3 cause Dillon wanted to see what was happenin with my utopia - got him to vote for Trinkii too lol - Bianca was around and half talking to me as well.. 4th me Bianca and Steph chatted till Nadia came and saw them .. also Toms class was in the library and I walked up to his table with him & Brenan saw us & told us to go away .. we hadnt even LOOKED IN HER DIRECTION damn bitch.. so I went back to Bianca & stuff .. Bianca had something about Michele didnt look young enough to have a 23yr old daughter.. she'd meant to say old enough lol.. Dillon was insulting me and threatening to whack me with his math book lol..
lunch: more net/votes .. i cant remember much anymore lol .. p.5 & 6 I stayed around Liz making more bluetac animals.. i think she was mad at me *shrugs* just a feeling..after school ryan and david (and tom) wanted me to play brenan ball *they're worse than richard was with hancock* and I was going to play but then they started ordering me around and BLAH i'm NOT going to do go through that again.. went back to Liz and Ryan came over and started bugging me to go back - he *would* have dragged me by my hair -as he does- if liz hadnt said to leave me alone & i said i'd break his arm if he didnt stop :P i woulda :P
they played for a while.. tom joined me on/off - all of us went online - ryan is the one that pisses me off - david isnt bad on his own - tom is great - its when david & ryan are together that david gets mean.. the guys went home and i went back to talking to liz - i dont care if i get to talk to her or not.. just like being near her :P shes wonderful - Kevin came with PASCAL!!!! hehe she's soooooo cuuuuutttteeeeeeee *loves her* anyway.. didnt get to play with her too long .. went home at 4.30 .. played with my baby *snuggles smokey* steph bianca & emily 'dropped in' i could kill them ... anyway - they didnt stay long - dad doesnt like people dropping in either.. georgia came over with jenny & stewart - been a while since i've seen her - we watched tv/caught up with misc stuff lol - they left around 9.30/10 .. have been watching Dantes Peak, looking up lame jokes & reading about the Stoics - I *hope* i remeber the stoics stuff on the exam.. philosophy doesnt stick with me this year - there are like 16 philosophers that might be on the exam, none of it is in 'simple' language .. gaaaaaaaaah... oh other BAD stuff that happened today is that the bracelet Shirley gave me for my 18th broke.. :( we're getting it fixed .. but i want it nowwwww
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: twistin the night away - r.s.
talking to: am yelling at people on NC for fighting
net: NIC
mood: tired .. very very tired
plans: go to northie with mom tomorrow - Pascal is 1 on wednesday - me wants to find her something :P - might go on a quick care bear hunt - PHILOSOPHY - soo need to keep reading that
good thing that happened today - in looking for the stickers that Hunter sent me I found the bday card my uncle gave me - with the $150 i forgot to take out o.o woohoo spendin money! lol

i need help .. midis!! hehe :P for once media player works for me :P I've had to restart 7 or more times today - was getting errors before windows had even loaded -_--' ANNOYING!
I've been kicked from first numerous times today. as well as getting the whole 'dont let a c&p win' thing .. karma is right though.. its just the BC .. i'm just not used to it... drew another kougra pic.. Trinkii looks madddd :P hehe *hugs her kougra* talked to Kara a heap today.. shes fun! so far today I've hurt my foot *dont walk barefoot when you have slate* my lip cracks, my nose was semi bleeding, I jammed my fingers in the desk and my left eye is shot. insteada being white it's going pink :s ew .. and its soooo sore! oh and more bad news.. my wonderful laptop has to go away to get fixed and wont be back till wednesday which realllllllly sucks as my exam is MONDAY! GAAAAAAAAAAH panic time -_-' am going to go see JC tomorrow.. hopefully she can sort something.. and double hopefully she isnt pissed... i really cant deal with THAT at the moment.
looked over a bit of philosophy today.. am going to school tomorrow.. plan on writing some stuff there .. blah i want my laptop.. yeah.... would seem i'm set for the reunion now - Deb told me which train to get which was a biiiiiiiig help as i had no bloody idea and Tracey said she'd meet me (and timmy boy hopefully) in the city and we'd all go together.. so on the 24th the 3 of us will meet in the morning and work it out from there.. i like that idea :P already managed to get goldi annoyed .. sooo didnt do anything .. just misunderstanding *gah* but things are ok now so happyhappy
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: grease is the woooooooord midi - thank you supermom
talking to: goldi kinda
net: supermoms music codes & neo
mood: semi bitchy
missing: HUNTER! lol I dont know.. I just like talking to her :P
Bryan just signed on.. poor guy missed tracey again! lol tim will be happy.. love triangle! *ducks and runs when tracey reads* i need ice cream and we're out.

not good.. nooooooot good.. jealousy thing kicking back in -_-' i have so many unresolved problems -_- dont see how they're gonna get fixed either - 2 examples - 1. grade 3 camp *i will never forgive marlene* 2. feeling rejected
camp one sure know why that was a problem *shudders* if i could erase anything from my memory i think that would be it. its so easy for people to say get over it.. dontcha think i've TRIED!
as for this fear or rejection/jealousy thing.. i dont know when it started .. i'm possesive of people.. the more i love them the more posesive i am.. to the point where i am now going to kill john *smiles sweetly at him*
last time i really got like this was over sandy & cary (sandy i am soooooooo sorry for that) i really dont know what to do about it.. i get pangs where i hate someone so much for what they do to me then i feel so stupid and so guilty for being like that.. know a quick fix? please tell me. this is what i love about karen.. from the day i mer her i've known where the line is and what happens if/when it is crossed.. she doesnt let me obsess .. i dont quite know how .. i think shes absolutely wonderful (and still is everything i want to be) but i can accept that she has her own thing .. lol .. i dont know .. with hunter its like that too .. kinda .. in a different way.. *its after one what do you want from me -glares-* but with goldi and chryssie its just been like whoa watch out i'll kill someone.. people dont believe me when i say what that i'm afraid of what i'm capable of.. then they see me in a rage.. that kinda happened on space camp .. oh shes the nice one then BLAM watch out :P i really am trying to keep this jealousy thing under control.. as well as my stupid temper.. i realllllllly need to keep that more than anything while i'm off meds .. on meds my mood swings are less frequent but more severe and instead of going into a rage i just simmer and plot.. off meds however i completely lose it.. anyway.. i cant be bothered waiting up for goldi .. i want sleep more than anything .. well .. i want hunter more than anything .. and liz ... and andrea *miss*
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: myself typing
talking to: karma *clings* so happy she doesnt think my pic is c&p *clings more*
net: none
mood: sad angry stressed headachy tired .. mostly negative :P *tries to be happy*
my eyes have been playing up more than usual - is from lack of sleep & stress - im glad i touch type.. otherwise i'd be so wrecked right now.... *imagines cuddling up to hunter and sleeping* there we go .. happy now .. i love my imagination.. when it isnt scaring the hell outta me
-must remember- scan drawings - sminkle etc

i am soooooooo tired.. it isnt even 10.. i've got the weirdest feeling around my right lung .. lol .. i was doing these stretches earlier and there was this reallllly weird noise.. but it's happened before.. if the dr hasnt picked it up before it's probably nothing .. it'l pass.
i'm sleepy and in pain but am i going to bed? NO! :P does that suprise anyone? NO! lol
ok so I found out the beauty contest is getting worse - the last pic I entered had everyone screaming about cut n pasters sucking *which i hadnt done anyway* and now i'm being personally attacked by the competition! this is one of the neomails I got from her.

From Puppy (chocolateperrito)
Sent 12/11/2002 04:16pm
Subject none
Folder Inbox
hi i'm from the beauty contest--kougra as well--i just wanted to know how you're getting so many votes for your cut and paste picture? are you cheating or something because people in the art world dispise cut and pastes

followed by (after trying to explain it wasnt c&p)

it IS a cut and paste

definition of a cut and paste- a picture taken directly off the neopets site(that's cutting) and pasting it into your paint program and changing it (that's pasting =P) all you did was change the color and add the xmas kougras santa hat

me on the other hand, i spent THREE WEEKS on my picture and you go and take an image off the site, its very annoying.

(after telling her to stop harrassing me)

i'm not harrassing you! i'm just saying that you didn't even draw your image all you did was floodfill it a different color, its not fair at all
and
lmao yes! i HAND DRAW-SCAN-COLOR-SHADE-RESIZE-COPYRIGHT-AND UPLOAD- all my images!! you didnt even draw yours so DONT go telling me about the headaches
lastly
i AM happy for you i'm just asking you to make your own pictures so you know how all the rest of us feel when a little cut and paste image wins instead of a hard worked on pictures like ours. try drawing your own and coloring and shading, etc, its tough, a lot tougher then what you've done.

now I can take a hella lot of critisizism but after that I was in tears.. I'm just happy staggpub was on. anyway..
messed around on NC and BC for a while.. found a new friend - this is her pic in the BC - http://neopets.com/beauty/details.phtml?pet=corsyus - if you're not going to vote for my Trinkii - check that one out - it's awesome! :P anyway.. back on chat.. Mat had his account iced AGAIN (rickie's is too.. dont know why) and I gave Mat my spotted zafara *sighs* i go out of my way to get cool pets then I give em to friends :P my poor fire acara QueenAnnJillian is iced on one of mats accounts *wants to hug her baby*
talked to hunter for aaggeess and goldi for aaggeess *loves both* and staggpub :P i finally got her christmas prezzie :P i'm back down to 20k .. I NEED to make np or I wont be able to get Julz her potion or the other stuff I wanna get hunter.. I really dont feel like writing.
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: Art for Arts Sake - 10cc
talking to: Lisa *snuggles her*
net: NC
mood: in pain/extrememly odd
I wish Karma was on.. I want her opinion on my pic.. I trust her.. trust Kara *my new friend* :P too :P she's fun!
ohh other stuff that happened today
mom was driving me insane.. finally got down to school.. went to the library & caught Steph David Ryan Dillon & TOM! before they went to class.. walked over to the canteen with Liz & the new one (she there for 3 weeks dont know her at all :P) and Tom came in and I got to catch up with him.. I think I'm gonna have him as #1 sweetie :P he really is :P he went to class .. Liz came over to see Gary with me *thankyouthankyouthankyou* left my laptop with him.. went back to the library.. caught up with Geoff and Harris.. talked to Karen briefly.. she was busy :P went and god food & coke *first coke in nearly a week gah* went back to the library.. had to leave at 12.. Liz knows me too well :P 'want a hug' wellll duuuuuhh :P lol *twirlz* i love liz :P came home.. netnetnetnet .. played with smokey netnetnetnet .. people came through house netnetnetnetnet .. and thats about it.. oh yeah.. I have Smurfette up on ebay.. finally.. damn stressful.. first listing went wacko so had to redo it.. hunter was on thankfully :P think i would go crazy without my 2nd mom :P *loves hunter* ok .. thats it.. back to chat..or maybe bed.. damn i'm tired

ook only on for a minute.. my mother is home today .. driving me freaking insane as she is panicing that the house isnt clean enoguh for the people coming through to day.. she REMADE my bed yesterday after I'd straightended everyone.. when she did it today she asked if i 'saw how it was' and the answer is NO dammit.
I shoulda gone to bed at 11 last night.. or earlier.. it was just .. gaaaaahhh...
what i did to goldi ive never done to anyone before .. and never will again .. yes I've done stuff a bit like it but never to that extent or that quickly -_-'''' anyway .. i hafta go.. gonna take laptop .. i need to stop swearing.
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: mom going nuts
talking to: mitch-y kinda
net: NC
mood: sad about last night .. stressed about now

firstly, VOTE FOR TRINKII TRINKII vote or me no talk to you again. I was really upset earlier cause the guy - currently in 2nd - had been advertizing her pet and saying they were gonna be beat but a copy n paste :[ it pisses me off that people dismiss things so easily.. anyway.. the day.
woke up at 9 dead tired.. got up anyway.. messed around on neo.. talked to hunter *yay* edited a Christmas Krawk for her .. that actually took most of the day for me.. the rest of the time I played around with a few other images .. have been on neo .. have hit 1million on chizopets.. the site isnt bad but I'm bored with it. dont have a lot to say.. got to talk to staggpub.. this idiot has been harrassing me on chat for the last day or two.. she defended me .. anyway.. i dont know .. ive had a headache/migrane today.. think it was mostly from not eating.. i -did- eat .. just not very much for most of the day.. i'm tired.. i want to curl up with someone and be safe and loved.. but that aint happening so i wanna curl up n cry instead.
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: riding on the horses -again-
talking to: goldi *snuggles her till it all goes away*
net: chat
mood: trying to get out of depressed
low: the moron dissin my pic
high: hunter
am going to school tomorrow - I NEED to get my laptop to Gary .. I also need to study ..

grr computer crashed! bad karen! steve crashes all the time now too .. yes i name things.
overall my mood is a lot better right now - i got to talk to Matt from school.. he went to bed :P well it is 12.30 :P i have a massive headache.. but i;m refusing to move till hunter gets on.. although i think it may be a stupid choice.. lol
ive got goooood song on :P that's the way it's gonna be lil darling you'll go riding on the horses yeah yeah way up in the sky lil darling and if you fall i'll pick you up i'll pick you up
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: Daryl Braithwait - riding on the horses
talking to: misc on chat.. iwant hunter
net: NC
mood: glaamph

i think i've lost my mind.
today.. up at 9 .. messed around on neopets all day.. talked to Sandy .. went to the dr.. got a referral.. came back home.. talked to staggpub.. got in a fight with mat.. if it had been on chat i would be iced right now.. most of it was on msn though.. i cant get the damn ring .. i have a sinus headache thats just starting to go and i want hunter.. though she isnt going to be happy that i got that angry over something that stupid..
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: Carly Sinon - your're so vain
talking to: misc on chat.. am mostly moping
net: NC
mood: can i die now?
i miss liz .. it's all well and good to have people online that keep me stable but i do need a lil of it irl or i lose it.. like i did with mat today.. i'm going to school on wed, taking my laptop to Gary if he's there.. if he isnt i'm screwed.. i just want to curl up and cry.

Sandy made me this groovy blinkie which I animated - it's sweeeeeet!
I love PPG :P
dont have much to say.. hunter is insane .. *loves her*
i wanna talk to her but it isnt happening.
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: gold
talking to: sean
net: going back to neo
mood: gwee?

its just after 9am.. i hate having the house for sale.. its a bitch getting up this early.. at least when you get to sleep after 2 it is.
stayed in that mood last night.. hunter picked me up outta it for a while.. but .. yeah up down up down ..
Hunter -told- me to go to bed.. then goldi came on... and I couldnt stay blah.. i really was in a mood last night -_-'
meanwhile, while I will defy the wonderful goldi for seconds (:P) hunter i can do for minutes.. not that it makes a difference lol.. istill ended up in bed before 2.30. couldnt get to sleep, considered getting back up, also considered what those two would to do me.. i stayed in bed.
i'm off to have a shower & then go hunting in restocks for a lil ring.
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: gold until they hit ads
talking to: alan on chat
net: NC
mood: i want hunter

hunter on *sighs* i'm just blaaaah now :(

not much happening too much feeling.
Bianca copied my msn name which pissed me off earlier.. then I realized how stupid it was to get upset over that..
have been downloading christmas and python stuff.. go figure.. there are so many python stuff i havent seen..
i'm listening to python at the moment.. its distracting..
i miss goldi.. but we'll catch up soon *or i'll scream* i miss hunter... and i think i'll curl up n cry if i dont get to talk to her soon..
i could go for the whole guilt thing and be whiney cause i dont get to talk to them but wheres the point in that? ammmyway...
i've been online all day.. mood swings like crazy.. then i got into the chocolate.. i wish ihadnt quit smoking.. shit i wish i hadnt.. wheres tim when ya need him... i dont buy anymore.. nor do i smoke unless i'm with him.. blaaah... its after 12.. i have to be up at 9 .. i aint tired but i'm grumpy so i probably am tired :\
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: hella lot of python
talking to: mom_in_hiding & darkstar on chat .. or i'm talking at them...
net: NC
mood: grumpy
-must upload cool thing sandy made for me-

blogger pissed me off - I wrote for an hour 2 nights ago and it then decided to wipe it all :[
anyway - yesterday i went to bingo with mom (cramer st of course Sandy :P) and was waiting on one number in the jackpot game .. didnt win damn..
i have neomail blocked AGAIN its verrry annoying .. but it isnt the end of the world :P and after last tme with hunter .. i'm not letting it -really- get to me :P
i'm gonna plan my real life christmas list as i've done my neo one - I should get to go shopping from the 20th on with gives me just over a month.
i'm gonna go do that now .. i want to talk to hunter
.:.stuff.:.
listening to: damn ads on gold .. am switching to Nova
talking to: Julz *yay*
net: going back to neo
mood: gwee